A Fallen Comrade

Earlier today I got an IM from a friend telling me to call them right away. I was worried, but was in a meeting. I got another IM from my mother telling me to do the same. ...I already knew what had happened...

...a few months back I visited a high school friend that I hadn't seen in a year or two. He was the child-prodigy type but with a very troubled soul. Since high school he had been in and out of depression and drug abuse, but always seemed to pull himself together. A few years back he sunk so low that he attempted suicide, but of course pulled himself back together.

During our visit, everything started out the same as any two good friends reuniting: having a good time and talking about what was going on in each other’s lives. This evening, however, digressed. He started philosophizing about the degradation of our society and preaching a cold, dark message on the meaning of life. The problem was not that his thoughts were insane or inaccurate; it was that this mindset had taken him over. Throughout the night, I tried to pull him out of it, but at every turn, it reverted back to chilling banter. Towards the end of the night, he got very bitter and started making personal attacks which I did my best to shrug off.

That night and the next day I was very worried about him and prayed for him, but that worry turned into distain for his blatant batting away of my outstretched hand. ...I could have done something...

As I finally got a chance to return my mother's call, she asked me if I was sitting down. I said "Just say it. I already know what happened." I didn't. She then told me that my good friend, a little boy who would cover his face with his hands when he got nervous, a National Merit Scholar with a full ride to KU had slit his little brother's throat. He later called the Police after slitting his own wrists.

I certainly don't blame myself, but I feel like there was more I could have done. I thought that my feeble attempt at trying to get him to enjoy a night out was enough. No one knows why it happened, but he was fighting his daemons and he needed more help. Depression is a very serious thing and no matter how gifted a person is, and how much potential they have, it can stop them dead in their tracks. If you have anyone in your life that is going difficult times, please be there for them and do as much as you possibly can.

Our generation has been extremely arrogant and made any mention of God taboo. Most of us consider ourselves Christians, but I certainly can't remember the last time I acted like one. I wish I would have sat down with him that night and prayed. Who cares if they think you're a loser for it? If anything, they'll see that you are more fulfilled with Christ than they are without.

My thoughts and prayers are with the family. Rest in peace, Doug.